Some regulars on my Facebook page look forward with glee to my weekly Friday Facebook Funny. It all started in May 2010 and quickly grew into a tradition, so much so if I don’t write one now, complaints come in thick and fast – gluttons for punishment all.
The format’s always the same. 1. Make up or find a pun. 2. Turn it into a semi-plausible story that only reveals the pun at the end.
The jokes themselves are often overshadowed by many of the comments, some of whom miss the fact that it’s the Friday Funny ( the "(sorry)" at the end is the less than subtle clue) and comment on these bizarre events.
For those who aren’t on the page (just click like on the Martin Lewis Facebook page to join) I thought it time to publish the first ten from the early days last year. Do let me know what you think, and any suggestions for more gratefully received (I must admit to an impending doom every Friday morning, after more than a year to try and come up with more) …
- Been discussing money education policy in prisons today. Was v. surprised that it’s actually grammar classes that are by far the most popular – when I asked why – apparently the real demand is to to learn about correct use of full-stops – it seems this is because it marks the end of their sentences (sorry!) Have a great weekend
- Messy day! Did an hour’s guesting on a new TV pre-rec cooking show that’s a mad dash against the clock. Doing dessert I clutzishly splashed a huge custard lob on one side of my face and ear & had no time to wipe it. Then mashing banana too hard & it flew onto the other side. When the director’s tried to say times up I couldn’t hear, she then yelled & I’d to admit it’d made me a trifle deaf (sorry!) Enjoy the weekend
- Had a bit of a spat off air after the Radio 2 show with Jeremy Vine. We’re both quite competitive and got onto the subject of schools maths lessons and then isosceles triangles – he said they need one angle bigger than 90 degrees, I said that’s nonsense and it sort of escalated. In the end I just walked out and shouted back “you’re being too obtuse” (sorry – groan) Have a great weekend
- Lost my rag yesterday! Took my niece to a petting zoo at the local park, there was a lovely African grey parrot, which she started tickling on the tummy. An attendant came up and barked really nastily that she should “only stroke it on the back”. I was fuming, and barked back how on earth could she be expected to know that, and why shout? It really is polly-tickle correctness gone mad! (sorry) Have a great weekend
- Urgent Travel Warning. Pls spread the word. If you know anyone tripping away to a hot country (especially sub-tropical) areas, apparently it’s become impossible to get hold of Ibuprofen – so they need ensure they take supplies with (generic available from 16p/pack). I’ve been researching why and apparently it’s because the paracetamol. (Sorry!) (Say it aloud if you’re stuck). Have a great weekend
- Nasty! Chatting to Johnny Maitland (Tonight & former House of Horrors presenter), he told me once when hidden camera filming a dodgy gas installer they watched agog as he peed in the kitchen sink, then took the small family dog & “interfered” with it! They called the police who arrested him. Yet even with footage, the police couldn’t prosecute – apparently he was Corgi-registered!!! Sorry 😉 Have a great weekend
- Had a horrid GMTV filming experience today. We were at a campsite doing a free summer days out piece when I had to film in a tee-pee then a wigwam. Both were heavily full of incense burners, and I felt really ill, so much so I was almost hallucinating I WAS the Tee-pee and wigwam. Thankfully there was a Dr. nearby, and he said it was nothing to worry about i was just too tense! (SORRY!) Have a great weekend
- This is NOT a bargain! Went to this new place that’s trying to compete as a cheaper version of London zoo, that wanted listing on our summer holiday deals page. However when I got there there, outrageously all the cages were empty except for one which just had a small dog in it – it was a Shih-tzu! (sorry) Have a great weekend
- Went for a business lunch today, was very weird! The guy I was meeting was the director of corporate comms from a big bank, and as I got to the table he was holding some cockles he’d ordered up to his mouth, then start kissing them, in an almost sensual way. I was very weirded out, but when I plucked up the courage to ask him what he was doing he said, "sorry about that I just pulled a mussel" (sorry)
- Just got a rather unexpected press release from a well-known Fried Chicken fast food outlet. It reports they’ve been working on genetically modifying chickens and have now developed, nurtured and grown a new flock which all have eight legs. Apparently it tastes great, they just can’t catch it. (sorry – have a great weekend