The Tim Vine Joke Contest…

Share your stand up jokes

Share your stand up jokes

I ended up watching 20 min of Tim vine on the comedy channel last night… I’ve always been a fan of his machine gun one liners, there’s something amazing about the gradual build of silliness that works.

My favourite (best if said out loud):

“I saw a man in a restaurant snogging a shrimp – apparently he’d just pulled a muscle.”

As a long time ago in my youth (well early-ish 20s anyway) I spent a couple of years doing stand up as a hobby, playing the London clubs. I almost had it all: stage presence, a loud voice, silly hair. I was only lacking the ‘being funny’ bit or it would’ve all been great.

So last night I decided to try and see how easy it was to come up with his joke style (much to Mrs MSE’s distress in a sounding board role). The answer: not very (which is good as I’m going with his brother to see him live next month, so it adds a level of respect).

Here were my paltry attempts…

    “I was in a shop the other day, they put the heating on full blast, I complained to the manager ‘it’s over 90 degrees in here’ he said ‘stop being so obtuse!”
    “I went to try new equipment at the gym the other day; it just shouted at me contradicting everything I said – apparently it was a cross trainer.”
    “It seems they’ve finally found a cure for erectile dysfunction – that was a long time coming.”

Yet while they’re very poor, there’s something very cathartic about the attempt, so I thought I would see what MoneySavers can come up with (via the comment link) and see if you enjoy the process as much as I did.

Originals only please (if mine have any resemblance to any other jokes written before it is purely unintentional and coincidental I promise).

Comment and Discuss.

PS. Having written this I got an email from Mr. Vine senior (aka Jeremy) to say he enjoyed the obtuse joke and that lovers of Tim’s humour may enjoy this